Lovechild

First of all, let me say that I am blogging because my hubby is playing video games, hogging the TV. Not that we have cable....but I could be watching a movie, or Friends...besides the point.

BUT, I did have an idea for a blog for the 2 people out there who actually might read this. Nick and I have FIN-ALL-Y started the process of recording together. It's taken quite a bit of emotional unpacking for me, growing together for the two of us, and sheer determination to set aside every Friday and Saturday for the next however-long-it-takes to record together. I've been writing more songs in the past few weeks/months than I have in probably 2 years and I am excited and happy and loving it.
I mention "emotional unpacking" because this is a fresh start on a an old desire/passion/calling and it's taken some working-through to get to where I could stomach trying it again. Sometime over the past 5 years or so I became cynical and broken when it came to "making it" in the music business and just decided to peace-out on the idea all together. Unfortunately, I also peaced-out on the art of it all too. This is not a good way to live for someone who is innately creative, innately musical. I come alive during and after the writing of a song. I come alive during and following the performance of a song. It's getting there that's the hard part.
Now, I've got someone to hold my hand through it and tell me I don't suck when I get down on myself and feel like quitting. I've got a cheerleader. AND, the best part, is I have my own recording engineer, drummer, bass and guitar player, and vocalist ALL-IN-ONE!!! WOAH! It's pretty awesome. The most important part though is that I'm realizing it's not about whether everyone else likes what you put out there. There is no Right or Wrong. It's just art. It doesn't have to pay well.
Anyway, we're calling ourselves Lovechild. It came from a conversation that we had on our way up to Nashville earlier this year. I said, "any album of ours will sound like the lovechild of a rocker and a folk singer"...and the rest is history.

AND, did I mention I get to write and record a jingle for Tamaron Honda in Birmingham?!!?!?!?!? Well, it was actually Nick's gig he got from a drummer-friend of his that knows we have a studio, but I told him it would make my life if he would let me sing it!! And he said I could and I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (If this doesn't happen I will be so depressed and eat a pint of icecream on my own). My hopes are up!

PS....here is our new myspace page. We should have a song or two up in the next week or so.
www.myspace.com/lovechildsongs

Maria Shriver-Shwarzenegger(sp?)

Yesterday afternoon while I was watching Chaz and Skylar, I landed on the Oprah show as I flipped through the channels. I had literally not seen 5 minutes of Oprah since probably 2006 which is funny to me since I used to LOVE watching Oprah. Anyway...she had Maria Shriver (whom I will refer to as MS)on as a guest speaking about her new book and a recent speach she made (I think, there were two kids in the room). I DID catch one suprising/intriquing tidbit though in the 5 minutes I watched. She spoke, hold-back tears, about a lesson she has just learned at the age of 51. The lesson she learned was that MS was not defined by what she did. She had grown up in the Kennedy family who she says had the philosophy of "go, go, go, do, do, do, be, be, be something important." When she lost her job as a TV journalist and became "1st lady" to the Governor of California she went through an identity crisis. She was no longer the one in the spotlight...she was playing 2nd-fiddle and she did not know how to exist that way. Eventually she learned how to BE mother, to really get to know her children, to listen, to be a mother to HER ailing mom, to listen, to just be.
I thought, how sad. This is a lady of many wordly accomplishments, fame, fortune and she had gone 51 years of her life thinking those things define her. How sad.
I am SO thankful, so blessed beyond measure that I had parents who loved me no matter if I succeeded or failed, parents who pushed me to never be lazy, to be a productive member of society, but to never let my job or success or other people define me and be my worth. AND, I have faith in a God who preaches that the last will be first and that the greatest in Heaven will be the weakest in the eyes of the world. THANK GOD I learned this lesson, and I still have the rest of my life to live with that wisdom.
I am not my resume. I am not my accomplishments. I am not defined by how people regard me. I am a daughter, a wife, and a beautiful, loved child of God.

Girlfriend, writing, and peace.

My attitude about life and things has been really smooth lately. Smooth is the only word I can use to describe it. Circumstances in my life have been rather up and down with job-issues, but everything else is simply peaceful. I spent 3 days with a good girlfriend of mine shopping, writing a song, walking and discussing the frivolity of our circumstances and situations. It was good. It was good to have a friend to shop with me in stores that are my favorites and have her immediately understand why I love them. Silly? Maybe, but wonderful. It was good to write a song with no pressure for greatness, just simplicity, under-analyzing every lyric. It was good to have her here during a week that I got some more bad news from the church where I work. Good to have another sounding-board.
At the end of last week, Nick and I went up to Gatlinburg to spend a few days relaxing with my parents at the end of their week vacation. Nick and dad continued to bond over boy-stuff in the BassPro Shop and beer tastings at a brewery. Mom and I shopped for clothes and jewelry and such and the rain didn't get in the way of our night spent in the hot-tub or our meandering down mainstreet. No real fussing or pressure or nagging which sometimes comes with visits from out-of-town parents/in-laws. Just smoothness. Peace.
I think I am settling in to living. In the moment.
I'm almost to the year mark of my marriage and things are wonderfully joyful and peaceful in our simple lives. Even amongst the junk that life keeps throwing my way, I am content. I have this underlying peace even when tears fall and anxieties creep in. It's all gonna be okay. Just live.

More

Once upon a time there was a girl, just a normal 20-something finding her way in the world. The closer and closer she felt to Right the farther and farther away she felt from the world...the more wrong she felt with her every move and decision. The eyes of friends cut her and their words judged her. She was humbled, but still convinced that her life was right. And it was good.

Living in the Tension

I have had this thought on my brain for the past several weeks. I alluded to it in my facebook status and when I tried to explain it in words to some friends I pretty much failed. But I'm not a quitter....so I'll try again.
Sometimes I wake up and feel like a failure. I haven't achieved financial success...I'm not super skinny....my face is broken out...I have done NOTHING for society except play a few songs about God...that sort of thing.
Other days I feel like I'm doing well. Life is on track. I feel like the things I make my life about are worthy things. God is smiling on me and I'm smiling at me too.
More days than others though, I'm a failure. And, I'm learning that I ALWAYS WILL BE.
Now, not that I am depressed or negative or giving up or anything...It's not that at all. It's just that it's totally okay and totally expected that I'm a failure. It's not about success or failure. And it's not up to me.

I can't save the world.
I can't save myself.


And life is about so much more than that.


It's about living in the Grace that God has shown me. It's about not being good enough...but through faith in this crazy story of redemption through Jesus...I am justified. I AM good enough. Good enough at least in the GOD of this UNIVERSE's eyes. That's enough for me!

There is not enough good I can do that will justify me in God's eyes. There might be things I can do to look better in the eyes of people but... it's all meaningless. Absolutely meaningless. Stuff of the world vs. stuff of God.

People say that Christians are all hypocrites...and they are absolutely right! We ARE. We are living in the tension of not being good enough...of being sinful, disgusting, wrong people...who are covered and dependent on God....in other words...we're TRYING....

The tension is this. Free but captivated. Not good enough but good enough. Fully human but fully spirit.


It's a difficult way to live. But it is sweet.

Rat in the wall

I thought this might be an interesting tid-bit ....a look into the never-boring life of Kelsey Jones.
I awoke Monday morning to the loudest scratching sound coming from above my head,just over our bedroom closet. "The neighbor upstairs must be dog-sitting" I mumbled to Nick who was also starting to stir. "Wait, babe, what is that?"....
Nick: "I don't know, go back to sleep..." (he was frustrated at my very awakened state)
Kelsey: "Nick, woah! oh my gosh, oh my gosh, it's not upstairs anymore.....it sounds like it's IN our closet now!! It must be a rat or a big mouse or a small dog or something!....I'm scared...uuuughhh...."
Nick (now sitting up to listen): "It sounds like a rat maybe"
So I, being the "man" of the house (really, the most disturbed by the idea of a freaking RAT in my apartment) got up to scope out the area. Tip-toe's around the corner, tip toe to open the closet....nothing....
I could still hear scratching but it was coming from INSIDE the wall. So I checked to see if there were any possible holes, vents, outlets that a mouse/rat/small dog could fit through. Nothing. If this rat was were it sounded like it was, then it was screwed.
So we went about our morning getting ready for work and every 4 minutes or so we would hear jumping around and scratching. Then, throughout the day the scratching sounds slowed to every 15 minutes or so to every hour to nothing by the time evening came. All day long I couldn't help but picture a dying rat trying to escape from the inside of our wall. Disgusting. Is it going to stink up our place when it dies? Did it maybe escape? Guess we'll just have to wait and see. It's been 3 days and I haven't smelled anything yet....but I can't walk by that wall without picturing in my head what might be inside...only a few inches from me.

Sunny days

Does anyone else hear the chorus of "Walkin on Sunshine" in their heads lately? The weather has been absolutely BEAUTIFUL the past 2 or three days. I think it's sposed to end tomorrow, but MAN! I have been feelin GOOD! It's amazing the affect weather has on my mood! So why the heck am I sitting on my couch LOOKING at the gorgeous day through my windows? ?. I'm goin on a walk.

Writing, Recording and Singing

I love to sing. That won't ever change, it's not something I will ever STOP doing. I can't. BUT, songwriting, although I've done it since I was a 5 year old, bored, only-child is something that has always come and gone with the winds of inspiration. Lately, I've been writing again....which gives me this huge sense of accomplishment when I get somewhere with a song. Now, to be fair, stepping back from my latest songs I'm not hugely thrilled with the amazing creativity of them, but just the mere fact that I'm taking time to write excites me. The song I'm most proud of lately is a song commissioned by the planners of this 6th grade retreat that Nick and I are leading next weekend. The theme of the weekend is "Transformers" but they didn't have a theme song! Enter Kelsey. Ever since I penned the wildly popular "Go the Extra Mile" for Lifeway's Centri-kid camp of the same name, I've prided myself on my children's-theme-song writing (notice a hint of sarcasm). But seriously....there is something so fun about writing kids songs! My song "Transforming" is the latest.....it's great fun to sing and play....I hope they like it next weekend!
This writing spurt has happened because Nick and I are trying to be intentional about getting an album recorded THIS YEAR. He has a studio for an office and we rarely take advantage of it for ourselves. Mostly because we haven't been writing like we should be...but now we are! Hopefully sometime in the near future we'll have something to show for it.
Which brings me to band names. If you have any suggestions please let me know. We cannot just be Nick and Kelsey Jones. That is lame. AfterJune was our original thought, but we're not so thrilled about that anymore. Anyway....
New songs, new duo, new band name. Yay for songwriting, singing, recording, and a husband who can do all of the above with me!

I have six minutes

to write until my piano student gets here.

I got my hair cut today. It's very liberating. I've been feeling like change is in the air....like it's coming. A new job? A new town? Something. I got impatient waiting for it so I just made it happen a little bit on my own. Today. By cutting my hair...six inches of it, off.
Change is good, scary when you like where you are, but good. Keeps you on your toes. Reminds you that the only home we'll ever know comes later. Not here. Not earth.
I am happy with the life I've been given. It's wonderful most times. Even when it's horrible it adds color to the canvas. Gotta have the dark to appreciate the light.
I've been writing more songs lately. I made a New Years resolution to start journaling again and I haven't. I've been writing some song ideas down and working on those a bit....IN my journal....but no real entries. Why is getting alone with my thoughts so hard? I know it's rewarding AFTER I do it, but it's like pulling teeth to do it. Maybe I'll start tonight.
I hear little voices outside. Time for some music.

Kelsey and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

It has a happy ending though....

When I was in elementary school we read this book called "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day."
Ever had one of those? I did, last Friday. Now, before I rant, let me tell you that today, three days removed, I am in much better spirits and I fully recognize how petty and superficially "bad" last Friday was (I mean, no one died)....but nonetheless it was one of THOSE days.
Since I got married I have changed my name on all my bank cards, social security card, etc etc.....except my license. Now, I DID make one attempt around August to try to get a new license in Alabama with my new name on it. Currently, I have a Tennessee-issued license with my old name on it. Since my first attempt to get a new one sent me on a wild-goose-chase to three DMV's in the greater Birmingham area I was in no rush to try again. But, with a new year comes new resolutions and I had resolved to try once again for an AL license.
So, I woke up at 7AM on Friday morning (we all know it's best to be early to the DMV....at least that's what I learned on the first attempt) and my sweet husband even offered to go along with me to keep me company during the expected long wait. When we got there I went to the appropriate door, showed the lady my passport, old TN ID, and new social security card, I explained that the name-change thing and she gave me a number and told me to have a seat. So we did. We waited....

........and waited



..................and waited

And finally, 1 hour and 45 minutes later, my number was called. I walked in, handed another lady my stuff, and she asked if I had my marriage license with me. I said "no, I was told last time that I didn't need that." She rolled her eyes, pushed herself up from her seat and dragged into the office next door. When she came back she said "we have to have your marriage license. How are we supposed to know you didn't just change your name on your card wah wah wah wah...." To which I replied "ok, i have my OLD social security card, I have MR. JONES sitting outside, AND this is the SECOND time I have tried to do this! If I need to have FOUR forms of ID put it on your website!"
"well maaam, I've never even pulled up our website, people get a lot of conflicting info from it I think" she replied.
"then get the administrator to FIX IT!! OR put it on one of the 15 hand-written signs you have up on the door!!! This is ridiculous."
I grabbed my ID's out of her hands and stomped out.
Nick and I walked to the car....i was shaking....I let out a couple of words I wouldn't want Jesus to hear me say and then I started crying.
Now, I usually don't get THAT mad....or say the words I said that morning but I think my anger was really the tip of the iceberg of dealing with a few things like frustrations from getting my name changed, living in Alabama, living in Alabama, dealing with stupid people, dealing with stupid people in Alabama, seeing our US government be the most poorly run operation in the country.....you know....
SO...I will be keeping my TN ID until I move out of this state or until 2011 when it expires.
But this is not the end of the story.
To make myself feel better I thought I would go shopping. I grabbed a Bed, Bath and Beyond gift card and headed out the door. As soon as I pulled in to park I realized I had left the 20% off coupon at home....not a big deal to you maybe, but to me, yes. So I turned around and went back home.
It gets worse, when I got out of the car, I hit my head. Hard.
This began another crying fit and the feeling of "I give up, this day is trashed, I am going to go plant myself on the couch."
Enter Nick.
"It's only noon! You still have half of the day left! Let's hang out and do something fun!"
After some more convincing, we went on shopping attempt number two. The day got better. Nick bought me some new wine glasses and offered to make me dinner. When we got home he made me a bath and filled the bathroom with candles! He made pecan encrusted chicken for dinner, got a bottle of my favorite red wine, and then rented "Once" and brought me some milkduds from the movie store (my favorite!). ("Once" is awesome too, btw, if you haven't already seen it)
All was not lost. The day got better. And I am still Kelsey Lynn Howard in TN at least :-)

Kelsey and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.