Wednesday, March 26, 2008
More
Once upon a time there was a girl, just a normal 20-something finding her way in the world. The closer and closer she felt to Right the farther and farther away she felt from the world...the more wrong she felt with her every move and decision. The eyes of friends cut her and their words judged her. She was humbled, but still convinced that her life was right. And it was good.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Living in the Tension
I have had this thought on my brain for the past several weeks. I alluded to it in my facebook status and when I tried to explain it in words to some friends I pretty much failed. But I'm not a quitter....so I'll try again.
Sometimes I wake up and feel like a failure. I haven't achieved financial success...I'm not super skinny....my face is broken out...I have done NOTHING for society except play a few songs about God...that sort of thing.
Other days I feel like I'm doing well. Life is on track. I feel like the things I make my life about are worthy things. God is smiling on me and I'm smiling at me too.
More days than others though, I'm a failure. And, I'm learning that I ALWAYS WILL BE.
Now, not that I am depressed or negative or giving up or anything...It's not that at all. It's just that it's totally okay and totally expected that I'm a failure. It's not about success or failure. And it's not up to me.
I can't save the world.
I can't save myself.
And life is about so much more than that.
It's about living in the Grace that God has shown me. It's about not being good enough...but through faith in this crazy story of redemption through Jesus...I am justified. I AM good enough. Good enough at least in the GOD of this UNIVERSE's eyes. That's enough for me!
There is not enough good I can do that will justify me in God's eyes. There might be things I can do to look better in the eyes of people but... it's all meaningless. Absolutely meaningless. Stuff of the world vs. stuff of God.
People say that Christians are all hypocrites...and they are absolutely right! We ARE. We are living in the tension of not being good enough...of being sinful, disgusting, wrong people...who are covered and dependent on God....in other words...we're TRYING....
The tension is this. Free but captivated. Not good enough but good enough. Fully human but fully spirit.
It's a difficult way to live. But it is sweet.
Sometimes I wake up and feel like a failure. I haven't achieved financial success...I'm not super skinny....my face is broken out...I have done NOTHING for society except play a few songs about God...that sort of thing.
Other days I feel like I'm doing well. Life is on track. I feel like the things I make my life about are worthy things. God is smiling on me and I'm smiling at me too.
More days than others though, I'm a failure. And, I'm learning that I ALWAYS WILL BE.
Now, not that I am depressed or negative or giving up or anything...It's not that at all. It's just that it's totally okay and totally expected that I'm a failure. It's not about success or failure. And it's not up to me.
I can't save the world.
I can't save myself.
And life is about so much more than that.
It's about living in the Grace that God has shown me. It's about not being good enough...but through faith in this crazy story of redemption through Jesus...I am justified. I AM good enough. Good enough at least in the GOD of this UNIVERSE's eyes. That's enough for me!
There is not enough good I can do that will justify me in God's eyes. There might be things I can do to look better in the eyes of people but... it's all meaningless. Absolutely meaningless. Stuff of the world vs. stuff of God.
People say that Christians are all hypocrites...and they are absolutely right! We ARE. We are living in the tension of not being good enough...of being sinful, disgusting, wrong people...who are covered and dependent on God....in other words...we're TRYING....
The tension is this. Free but captivated. Not good enough but good enough. Fully human but fully spirit.
It's a difficult way to live. But it is sweet.
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