Lovechild

First of all, let me say that I am blogging because my hubby is playing video games, hogging the TV. Not that we have cable....but I could be watching a movie, or Friends...besides the point.

BUT, I did have an idea for a blog for the 2 people out there who actually might read this. Nick and I have FIN-ALL-Y started the process of recording together. It's taken quite a bit of emotional unpacking for me, growing together for the two of us, and sheer determination to set aside every Friday and Saturday for the next however-long-it-takes to record together. I've been writing more songs in the past few weeks/months than I have in probably 2 years and I am excited and happy and loving it.
I mention "emotional unpacking" because this is a fresh start on a an old desire/passion/calling and it's taken some working-through to get to where I could stomach trying it again. Sometime over the past 5 years or so I became cynical and broken when it came to "making it" in the music business and just decided to peace-out on the idea all together. Unfortunately, I also peaced-out on the art of it all too. This is not a good way to live for someone who is innately creative, innately musical. I come alive during and after the writing of a song. I come alive during and following the performance of a song. It's getting there that's the hard part.
Now, I've got someone to hold my hand through it and tell me I don't suck when I get down on myself and feel like quitting. I've got a cheerleader. AND, the best part, is I have my own recording engineer, drummer, bass and guitar player, and vocalist ALL-IN-ONE!!! WOAH! It's pretty awesome. The most important part though is that I'm realizing it's not about whether everyone else likes what you put out there. There is no Right or Wrong. It's just art. It doesn't have to pay well.
Anyway, we're calling ourselves Lovechild. It came from a conversation that we had on our way up to Nashville earlier this year. I said, "any album of ours will sound like the lovechild of a rocker and a folk singer"...and the rest is history.

AND, did I mention I get to write and record a jingle for Tamaron Honda in Birmingham?!!?!?!?!? Well, it was actually Nick's gig he got from a drummer-friend of his that knows we have a studio, but I told him it would make my life if he would let me sing it!! And he said I could and I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (If this doesn't happen I will be so depressed and eat a pint of icecream on my own). My hopes are up!

PS....here is our new myspace page. We should have a song or two up in the next week or so.
www.myspace.com/lovechildsongs

Maria Shriver-Shwarzenegger(sp?)

Yesterday afternoon while I was watching Chaz and Skylar, I landed on the Oprah show as I flipped through the channels. I had literally not seen 5 minutes of Oprah since probably 2006 which is funny to me since I used to LOVE watching Oprah. Anyway...she had Maria Shriver (whom I will refer to as MS)on as a guest speaking about her new book and a recent speach she made (I think, there were two kids in the room). I DID catch one suprising/intriquing tidbit though in the 5 minutes I watched. She spoke, hold-back tears, about a lesson she has just learned at the age of 51. The lesson she learned was that MS was not defined by what she did. She had grown up in the Kennedy family who she says had the philosophy of "go, go, go, do, do, do, be, be, be something important." When she lost her job as a TV journalist and became "1st lady" to the Governor of California she went through an identity crisis. She was no longer the one in the spotlight...she was playing 2nd-fiddle and she did not know how to exist that way. Eventually she learned how to BE mother, to really get to know her children, to listen, to be a mother to HER ailing mom, to listen, to just be.
I thought, how sad. This is a lady of many wordly accomplishments, fame, fortune and she had gone 51 years of her life thinking those things define her. How sad.
I am SO thankful, so blessed beyond measure that I had parents who loved me no matter if I succeeded or failed, parents who pushed me to never be lazy, to be a productive member of society, but to never let my job or success or other people define me and be my worth. AND, I have faith in a God who preaches that the last will be first and that the greatest in Heaven will be the weakest in the eyes of the world. THANK GOD I learned this lesson, and I still have the rest of my life to live with that wisdom.
I am not my resume. I am not my accomplishments. I am not defined by how people regard me. I am a daughter, a wife, and a beautiful, loved child of God.

Girlfriend, writing, and peace.

My attitude about life and things has been really smooth lately. Smooth is the only word I can use to describe it. Circumstances in my life have been rather up and down with job-issues, but everything else is simply peaceful. I spent 3 days with a good girlfriend of mine shopping, writing a song, walking and discussing the frivolity of our circumstances and situations. It was good. It was good to have a friend to shop with me in stores that are my favorites and have her immediately understand why I love them. Silly? Maybe, but wonderful. It was good to write a song with no pressure for greatness, just simplicity, under-analyzing every lyric. It was good to have her here during a week that I got some more bad news from the church where I work. Good to have another sounding-board.
At the end of last week, Nick and I went up to Gatlinburg to spend a few days relaxing with my parents at the end of their week vacation. Nick and dad continued to bond over boy-stuff in the BassPro Shop and beer tastings at a brewery. Mom and I shopped for clothes and jewelry and such and the rain didn't get in the way of our night spent in the hot-tub or our meandering down mainstreet. No real fussing or pressure or nagging which sometimes comes with visits from out-of-town parents/in-laws. Just smoothness. Peace.
I think I am settling in to living. In the moment.
I'm almost to the year mark of my marriage and things are wonderfully joyful and peaceful in our simple lives. Even amongst the junk that life keeps throwing my way, I am content. I have this underlying peace even when tears fall and anxieties creep in. It's all gonna be okay. Just live.

More

Once upon a time there was a girl, just a normal 20-something finding her way in the world. The closer and closer she felt to Right the farther and farther away she felt from the world...the more wrong she felt with her every move and decision. The eyes of friends cut her and their words judged her. She was humbled, but still convinced that her life was right. And it was good.

Living in the Tension

I have had this thought on my brain for the past several weeks. I alluded to it in my facebook status and when I tried to explain it in words to some friends I pretty much failed. But I'm not a quitter....so I'll try again.
Sometimes I wake up and feel like a failure. I haven't achieved financial success...I'm not super skinny....my face is broken out...I have done NOTHING for society except play a few songs about God...that sort of thing.
Other days I feel like I'm doing well. Life is on track. I feel like the things I make my life about are worthy things. God is smiling on me and I'm smiling at me too.
More days than others though, I'm a failure. And, I'm learning that I ALWAYS WILL BE.
Now, not that I am depressed or negative or giving up or anything...It's not that at all. It's just that it's totally okay and totally expected that I'm a failure. It's not about success or failure. And it's not up to me.

I can't save the world.
I can't save myself.


And life is about so much more than that.


It's about living in the Grace that God has shown me. It's about not being good enough...but through faith in this crazy story of redemption through Jesus...I am justified. I AM good enough. Good enough at least in the GOD of this UNIVERSE's eyes. That's enough for me!

There is not enough good I can do that will justify me in God's eyes. There might be things I can do to look better in the eyes of people but... it's all meaningless. Absolutely meaningless. Stuff of the world vs. stuff of God.

People say that Christians are all hypocrites...and they are absolutely right! We ARE. We are living in the tension of not being good enough...of being sinful, disgusting, wrong people...who are covered and dependent on God....in other words...we're TRYING....

The tension is this. Free but captivated. Not good enough but good enough. Fully human but fully spirit.


It's a difficult way to live. But it is sweet.

Rat in the wall

I thought this might be an interesting tid-bit ....a look into the never-boring life of Kelsey Jones.
I awoke Monday morning to the loudest scratching sound coming from above my head,just over our bedroom closet. "The neighbor upstairs must be dog-sitting" I mumbled to Nick who was also starting to stir. "Wait, babe, what is that?"....
Nick: "I don't know, go back to sleep..." (he was frustrated at my very awakened state)
Kelsey: "Nick, woah! oh my gosh, oh my gosh, it's not upstairs anymore.....it sounds like it's IN our closet now!! It must be a rat or a big mouse or a small dog or something!....I'm scared...uuuughhh...."
Nick (now sitting up to listen): "It sounds like a rat maybe"
So I, being the "man" of the house (really, the most disturbed by the idea of a freaking RAT in my apartment) got up to scope out the area. Tip-toe's around the corner, tip toe to open the closet....nothing....
I could still hear scratching but it was coming from INSIDE the wall. So I checked to see if there were any possible holes, vents, outlets that a mouse/rat/small dog could fit through. Nothing. If this rat was were it sounded like it was, then it was screwed.
So we went about our morning getting ready for work and every 4 minutes or so we would hear jumping around and scratching. Then, throughout the day the scratching sounds slowed to every 15 minutes or so to every hour to nothing by the time evening came. All day long I couldn't help but picture a dying rat trying to escape from the inside of our wall. Disgusting. Is it going to stink up our place when it dies? Did it maybe escape? Guess we'll just have to wait and see. It's been 3 days and I haven't smelled anything yet....but I can't walk by that wall without picturing in my head what might be inside...only a few inches from me.

Sunny days

Does anyone else hear the chorus of "Walkin on Sunshine" in their heads lately? The weather has been absolutely BEAUTIFUL the past 2 or three days. I think it's sposed to end tomorrow, but MAN! I have been feelin GOOD! It's amazing the affect weather has on my mood! So why the heck am I sitting on my couch LOOKING at the gorgeous day through my windows? ?. I'm goin on a walk.